Everything They Can't Have
by zuleikhajarly
Summary: Jason.Carly.Jax.Liz.Lucky.Maxie.Spinelli.Sonny.Claudia. --We all want what we can't have. Read and review. Review Review.


EVERYTHING THEY CANT HAVE by ZuleikhaJarly

Author's Note: So yeah I wrote two other fics, but they weren't sitting well with me. So came up with this idea. This takes place a year from the current GH storylines. Things have changed for everyone in Port Charles. We all know I write mostly Jarly fics, but this may or may not end up that way. It will have Liason/Lusam/Jolu etc. all with some other pairings. I'm keen to know what people thinks, so please review review review, and I promise to try to write often.

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Prologue:

_Come to me now  
And lay your hands over me  
Even if it's a lie  
Say it will be alright  
And I shall believe_

_I'm broken in two  
And I know you're on to me  
That I only come home  
When I'm so all alone  
But I do believe _

Carly stared unseeing at the vase on her mantle. She gripped her arm, pinching herself silently as she tried to comprehend what she was hearing. Closing her eyes she dared herself to turn around and face the person telling her the news she had no right to be upset about. But everything had changed in the last few months. She'd changed in the last few months. She ran a hand through hair that hadn't been washed in days. Saw dark circles reflected in the vase, and she could see the way her cheeks were angled so sharply an effect of the weight she'd lost recently.

"Carly?" The voice behind her said quietly.

Carly nodded, pulling a fake smile out form her old vault of strength. She was surprised she still had any left. She cleared her throat, still not turning around to face the voice, she back peddled and sat perched on the edge of her couch. Her voice sounded dead. "That's great. Um. Congratulations."

His brows furrowed, concern written on his face. He noted the way she wouldn't look at him. But he noticed even more frighteningly, that she was a shell of the woman he'd known. His eyes rested on her baggy sweat suit, her sharp hip bones sticking out, noticed how he could see all the bones in her chest, noticed the thinness of her face. He'd known that something was wrong, but he'd been so busy with work, with everyone else. He stuffed his hands in his jeans, not sure how to approach her. How to reach her even. He felt his stomach sink as he thought how awkward this was. It was only a few months ago, coming here and telling her this news would probably have had her throwing her arms around him, planning it before he'd even had a chance let it sink in. But that was before. That was when he could read her, she could read him.

He stepped forward, taking a seat next to her on the couch, his hands clasped in front of him, elbows resting on his knees. He cleared his throat, he smiled slightly, trying to get a reaction from her. "What no 'you're making the biggest mistake of your life?' or 'I'm happy for you?" He sighed when her expression didn't change, his fingers clenching as he saw her shift even further away from him.

"Carly..." He spoke quietly. "Talk to me.

Carly wrapped her arms around herself, her eyes flat, taking everything in her to remain unfazed at his news. She wouldn't --- no she couldn't let him see what she was really feeling. It would bring it all up again. Everything she'd been fighting for the last six months to bury. She wanted to turn and tell him how angry she was, how he _WAS_ making the biggest mistake. How upset she was that he probably didn't care what she thought about it either way. How sad she was that they could no longer be honest with each other. _How had so much changed in so little time?  
_  
She jerked away when his hand touched her knee." Don't" She whispered jerkily. Shooting up she finally turned to face him. But she couldn't stand what she saw there. Pity? He pities me now? She flung around closing her eyes tightly. She dusted the invisible dirt on her pants as is if to mentally get rid of her emotions.

"Look--" She started."-- I need to get some rest. It's late..." She paused.

He stood up nodding, his eyes glanced at the clock that read 2:30 am. He wanted to go. Seeing her like this was making him sick. Especially knowing he was partially to blame. But he wanted to help her. He missed helping her. He missed them. There hadn't been a time in history when he hadn't been able to, not until this moment. He ran a hand through his hair, he'd never been good with words. Not with anyone but her. Even when they were fighting he was more himself with her than anyone. But it was all gone now, he felt tongue tied, didn't know how to approach the elephant in the room. He'd thought it was about time he'd seen her, six months was a long time. He laughed inwardly at his naivete, in thinking it would just all come back to them. The trust, the love, the way they knew each others' thoughts. But he didn't know this guarded woman in front of him. Didn't recognize the blankness in her eyes, or her reluctance to his touch. He shook his head as he stepped forward, close enough that she knew he was right behind her but far enough to give her breathing room.

"It -- it doesn't have to be this way. I thought if I came we could start over. " He swallowed. " I wanted to invite you ---"

Carly spun around, finally facing him. The fire returning to her eyes now. "Dont--" She said tightly. "I said Don't." Her voice raising as she knew what his next words would have been. She could feel hereself breathing a little heavier now. She pulled her sweater together, busying herself with zipping it up, as if to shut him out. "I'm happy you're getting married." She winced as she heard how false that sounded. She took a breath then tried again. " I am. But we both know--- well we know things aren't the same. I don't know why you felt you have to come here. You must have known I knew already, that Lucky would have told me..." She drifted off, her eyes floating down to the floor.

He sighed, stuffing his hand back in his pockets, his shoulders lifted as he nodded. " I did. I just thought I owed it to you to tell you...I wanted to fix this.." His hands motioned between them, as if to physically touch the distance that had grown between the two of them. He eyes misted as he thought about their last conversation six months ago, when everything had come crashing down. He blinked trying to keep the tears at bay. " You wouldn't see me before--- wouldn't let me explain..." He started.

"It doesn't matter. I told you that six months ago. None of it matters anymore. " Carly looked up at him, finally into his eyes only seeing what she thought was misplaced pity. She remembered how much he hated confrontations, she knew how much he needed to fix things. But fixing her wasn't his job anymore, it never should have been she acknowledged to herself.

A voice came from upstairs.."Carly?" it questioned. They both turned to the stairs, then back to each other. Carly fidgeted with her top again, her face now anxious. " I'm coming. Just getting some Water.." She lied, loud enough so the owner of the voice could hear her, but wouldn't come downstairs.

She pulled her sleeves over her hands, bowing her head she moved past the person in front of her , heading towards the stairs, careful not to touch him. " You need to go." She mumbled quietly. " Let Yourself Out."

He didn't turn around at first, He felt his stomach flop, realizing his failure. Realizing it may just be too late. He bent to grab his jacket, clenching the fabric in his hands as he moved silently towards the door. He put his hand on the doorknob, but turned to look at her, willing her to face him.

Carly could feel his eyes bearing into her back. _Just one last look. Just one last memory_ she told herself. She slowly looked over her shoulder, their blue eyes meeting in the moonlight. She drank him in, in six months of absence he'd only just grown more handsome, his eyes held less shadows, while hers held more. Which told her she'd done the best thing. She'd made the right choice. A ghost of a smile appeared on her face as she whispered her words. " I know the wedding will be beautiful...I hope Liz makes you happy Jason. I hope you have everything you've ever wanted."

Jason sucked in a breath at her words. For a second she'd let him see her. See the agony behind the guarded eyes. His jaw clenched as he gripped the door tighter. Her words instead of bringing him comfort, just made him angry,made him wary. He opened his mouth to speak, but she'd already turned away. She was already walking up the stairs away from him. He waited until her body disappeared before letting himself out. He knew then, that he couldn't leave things this way. That it was his fault it'd gotten this out of hand. How many times had Lulu or Spinelli or even Lucky told him there was something wrong and he'd ignored it. He'd come here tonight, not only to share his news, but see for his own eyes. And now that he saw how lifeless his best friend had become, he wasn't going to let it continue. He was going to fix what he had helped to break.

_That not everything is gonna be the way  
You think it ought to be  
It seems like every time I try to make it right  
It all comes down on me  
Please say honestly you won't give up on me  
And I shall believe  
And I shall believe _

Song and Lyrics - Sheryl Crow - I Shall believe.


End file.
